Week Four !!!

Well hello again!

This is hopefully one of my last blogs in this remarkably hilarious account of my life in the bus lane whilst I've been waiting for a part for my car for the last 26 days!!!!!  I actually had a tweet today asking whether the part was being grown in a lab?

However.....the fabulous news is : I got a call from the garage owner today saying that the part had arrived.  So, full of anticipation and untold excitement, I left work at 4.40pm (it would have been 4.30pm had I not received a phone call from security which meant I had to in turn make a phone call to the security engineers) and plodded down the hill to my house.  I say 'plodded', as I do tend to plod in my sandals, them being quite loose, and I am aware that I walk very differently in my sandals than I do in my snug-fitting trainers......oh, you would never catch me plodding in trainers.....in those, it's more of a stride.  But, today, I had my sandals on and, like I said, I plodded down the hill.

I had to walk past my house to the driveway where my poor neglected and long-suffering car through no fault of its own - or mine for that matter - was sitting there all dejected and unloved and just longing for me to drive it again.  Glancing up at my bedroom window, on the front of the house, (obviously, as I don't have a periscope that goes all the way round to the back of the house!) I note with relief that Muppet isn't sitting on the windowsill looking out for me and getting all excited.  Because, little did I realise at that time, it would be almost an hour before I returned home.

At the driveway entrance, car keys already in hand, I pointed the key at my poor car and jubilantly pressed the unlock button.  My car winked at me, with both indicators......I got in, happily reacquainting my bottom with the driver's seat, and started her up.  Bingo!  If cars could smile, I'm quite certain that mine was smiling at that moment.

I reversed carefully down the driveway, having removed the wheelie bins out of the way beforehand, and I reversed my little car out onto the main road for the first time in getting on for a month, and hoped to God I could remember how to drive.

And also, that I had no mishaps en route to the garage, especially any that involved my car bursting into flames or exploding.

Reaching the local garage, I parked in the bay marked as 'MOT Parking'......completely disregarding this sign and not in the least bit bothered about the fact that I had blatantly ignored a sign (get me!), locked up my car and swaggered into the office to finally hand over my key.

Bob, the garage owner, took pleasure in showing me the unimpressive but nevertheless long awaited filler pipe that was to cost me £140 plus vat plus labour.  (All through no fault of my own, remember).  'It's been powder-coated', he remarked.  'Oh, yes!' I replied, none the wiser.  Basically I just want them to fit the bloody thing so that I can regain my long-missed freedom.  I didn't care if it was silver-plated, or coated in gold leaf by orphans, I just wanted my car back.

I left the car in the hands of the garage, and Bob said that he would be in touch, so I waved and gave him the thumbs up.

Tesco is a mere hop, skip and jump from the garage, so it would have been amiss of me not to venture inside for goodies.  I purchased the daily essentials (quick wink at Kathryn), and headed toward the bus terminus.  I thought I would be clever, and instead of taking the usual route, I cut across the car park diagonally, thinking I would get there more directly, having no trolley to leave at the dreaded Red Line Where All Trolleys Will Halt.

It was about then that I glanced up and realised that I couldn't see the bus terminus in the distance.  At all. Where had it gone?  I stood there pondering, then realised I was heading in too much of a diagonal direction so veered left and found those little clear plastic bus stop canopies that I have come to recognise, albeit unwittingly and certainly unwillingly, like an oasis in the desert.

There are 4 bus shelters at this terminus, and all four were deserted.  I arrived at mine, acutely aware that my bags needed adjusting.....i.e. my sturdy work bag was almost empty, one Tesco carrier was light, the other very heavy and the handles had been cutting into my hands.  Having got out my bus fare ready, I decided to readjust the shopping.  I moved the contents of the light Tesco bag into my sturdy bag, forgetting I was holding my bus fare in my hand, which promptly fell deep down into the sturdy bag.  I fished it out, put it safely onto the ground, and tried to double bag the heavy Tesco bag with the now empty Tesco bag.  Easier said than done in a sudden breeze.  The empty bag was flapping randomly and I finally managed to get the heavy bag shoved into it, in albeit a not that ladylike posture.

At which point, obviously, a guy joined me at the bus stop, whilst I was mid-curse and with my bottom wriggling in the air.

Task completed, I straightened my dishevelled hair and tried to look normal.  Which turned out to be a complete waste of time because the first thing this guy did after saying 'It's hot, isn't it?  I've just been in the chemists doing this in front of their fan' and proceeded to lift up his t-shirt and demonstrate to me how he had just done this very same thing in front of the fan in the chemists.  To which he added, 'The chemist asked me what I was doing, and I said I was cooling off.'  Well, of course.  I've often lifted up my top in the chemists and cooled myself down in front of the fan. (Not!!!!!!)  I know you will put nothing past me now, but really, I have never done that.  Although I might have been tempted a few times.

It was over ten minutes before the bus turned up, so I chatted idly with him and then another guy and a lady who thankfully arrived at the bus stop moments later.  The chest-flashing guy, I noted, had a front tooth missing, which - after watching him make a roll-up - I mused,  would fit in that gap perfectly.  Sort of like having a ready-made roll-up holder.

The familiar and now-welcome sight of a blue and orange coach with the number 51 on the front panel arrived, and we bus-stop dwellers embarked.  The sadistic driver kept us waiting a good further 5 minutes in the stifling heat of the stationary bus and I had to question the saying that horses sweat, men perspire, and ladies glow, because I was well past glowing or perspiring......I was sweating like a filly at this this point!

Eventually, the bus set off and I revelled in the cooling breeze that came through the open windows as we journeyed through the council estate, and the smell of chip pans and cheap burgers invaded my nostrils. I even came round enough from my semi-conscious state to avert my eyes to the left during the journey, hence missing the nauseating deep pink Austrian blinds and the neighbouring shouldn't-be-legal purple paintwork of the neighbouring house, thank goodness!

I didn't even cast a passing glance at dear Sidney's ex-fence panel, and I'll tell you why......I received a text from him at the weekend saying that he was having the time of his life and has met a lovely lady snail called Cynthia.  Good old Sidney!

I did, however, notice that No.75 (the Vampire house) still has all it's front-facing curtains drawn.  Some very odd folk around!

My next blog post may very well be my final one (i.e. bus to get my car back, fully functional) but I have thoroughly enjoyed sharing my life in the bus lane with you and long may it not continue ;))